Moo

The Onion Prophecies

Six years have now gone by so far since you first got your crown;
You've stayed the course and made a mess; now, things are crashing down;

The only thing that's worse than these disasters you've imparted,
Is everything had been predicted by the time you'd started.

what you lookin at

AOL's published what users are searching;
The ethics I'm leaving for others to question;
In boredom i've gone out and done some researching,
And here are some logs of a few users' sessions:

user 14109288:
sexual positions 2006-05-22 21:57:18 http://www.sexualpositionsfree.com/
sexual positions 2006-05-22 21:57:18 http://www.askmen.com/
sexual positions 2006-05-22 21:57:18 http://www.condoms.au.com/
(time passes)
premature ejaculation 2006-05-22 22:20:23 http://www.webmd.com/

4417749:
dog that urinates on everything
carpet shampoo rental
homes sold in shadow lake subdivision gwinnett county georgia
gwinnet county animal services
pet euthanasia services

Go Lay an Egg

There once was a moomoo named Trix
Who tried to fit in with the chicks,
She shook out her leg,
Till she laid an egg,
And now she's in one of their cliques.

respect mooah authoritah!

There once was a cow from Nigeria,
Who kept the roads free of bacteria,
Unjustice prevailed,
They threw her in jail,
Is next stop the school cafeteria?

hokey religions and ancient weapons

To build your very own lightsaber,
Start with parts and add some labour;
Buy flourescent lights and gas,
Repeat these steps, you'll have a blast;
(In case you're burned in this pursuit,
Also buy a Vader suit.)

one down, 271 to go

to she who keeps mocking my blog for forever,
i found a new goal for your latest endeavor;

don't feel bad that driving has started off poorly,
if you keep up this pace, you'll make the news, surely!

up is down, down is up

"They're harboring terrorists and clearly against us!"
It's under this pretense our leaders have sent us.

We're told we're to cheer for our war or be traitors,
We're with mr bush or we're with the dictators.

So now we agree on the terrorists' threat
And vote for this guy, a second term yet!

But what is this news that I see all around,
That terrorists aren't all as bad as they sound???

mmm orangy

Terrorists everywhere, swarming around;
We must keep on panicking, till they're all found!

There's no way to tell where they live, who they are;
Just pick who looks shady to feather and tar.

They might join the Senate, "defending your rights,"
Or act as just webmasters for a fan site;

What can we do about foes who're so hidden?
Perhaps we should make all dissension forbidden...

So cut through the terror, ahead we will forge;
We'll follow our leadership; all hail dear george!

Marketing Experts

If you're looking for a car or truck to help your locomotion,
This idiotic company has planned a new promotion:
"Try our car, then buy another! We'll give you some cash!"
This brilliant flash of marketing is sure to be a smash.

very nice

"_Dear Online-Citibank User,

ThIs _email_ was se-nt by_the Citicard _server to veerify _your e-mail addres.
You must complete this process by clicking on _the link beloow and enteering
in the little window your Citi_Bank Atm/Debit card number and PiN that
_you use on the local Atm Machine. This_is done - for Your protection -t- becourse some of our
membres no longer_ have access to their E_Mail adresses and we must verify it."

yeah.

...

Three men were killed planting bombs in Iraq
When their bomb blew up early, before they turned back.
I can't think of much else to say about that.

Step 3: Descent

the memories jab back
like icicles through the ear
stabbing till you land

(update)

Now that I read through that link that I found,
I'm gaining new insight both deep and profound;
Don't fly with the sniffles, and much less the flu,
And stop all the horror your ears will go through.

Step 2: People Watching

I'd like to be able to show you some piccies,
But digicams seem just a little bit tricky
Apparently cables are needed to save these
And fluffheaded me checked them in, being too hasty
So here is a sample of what you'd have seen
Had I been more organized with my routine:

Step 0: Research

for those who travel more than i,
this site is nice before you fly,
it shows you where to pick your seats
to better rest your butt and feet

Step 1: Terminal

there once was an airline, jet blue,
which next week i'll say that i flew,
for now i'll just stare
(let the hotties beware!)
and post on my blog for all yous.

Summer of fun!

Instead of renting cars or bikes,
Why not try a cow instead??
Just think about the hours of fun!
Meet a friend! She'll keep you fed;

It's just 300 for the summer-
What a bargain! What a treat;
If you've been everywhere already,
Cows could make your life complete.

For those who don't like cow milk though,
Don't despair, you might rejoice -
Instead of seeing Switzerland,
Here for you's another choice!

(title of post stolen from Amy)

Monday Mission

1. When was the last time you were in the hospital as a patient? As a visitor?
2. Have you ever been put under anesthesia or sedation? For what reason? Did it mess with your mind?
3. Have you (or someone close to you) ever had any major surgery? How did it go?
4. How about the emergency room? Have you ever had to be taken there, or had to accompany someone else? What happened?
5. Have you ever donated blood (or other fluids)?
6. Are you an Organ Donor? How do you feel about having your organs being donated to those in need once you die? Have you or someone you know ever been the recipient of donated organs?
7. Do you know any men who refuse, or are too afraid, to go to see a Doctor? Why are so many men like that?
brought to you by promoguy

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from my little place,
In Valley o' Silicon chips.

in may got a slightly hacking cough,
with cold and fever too
two doctors both said all's okay
just a 3 week flu

a 3 week flu

in june things started getting rough,
my lunch kept getting tossed
if not for a friend just stopping by
who knows what would be lost

who knows what would be lost

the ER docs were lost by this
uncharted strange new "flu"....
neurologists... the interns too
hematologists, and their lab,
a cardio... the RT's and those RN's
there in Seton's CCU.

so this is the tale of the lupus trip,
it lasted for 20 weeks.
had sedation, anesthesia -
seizures caused weird streaks.

at least there were no surgeries,
they did their very best
the only time i had a cut,
was some stiches in the past.

"Donate no blood! no plasma too!
"not a thing," the rheumie said.
this blood donation process, it's primitive as can be.
i guessed organs were also banned,
but that's from no real source.
i now don't avoid most doctors
but for dentists of course.

BONUS: Do you remember when we used to sing?
Today's Comment Question: What action do you take when you get mad at a fellow blogger?
Well, hopefully you sang just now,
When reading this week's mission;
To not do that would make me sad;
It'd be a grave omission;

And then you'd see what happens when
I get mad at a blogger;
As Banner said, you'd not like it,
Just chill and have a lager.